What happens inside of us when we are self-critical? Where does that even begin? I’ve spent some time with this and for a couple of nights I would wake up around 2 or 3 and there would be this self-critical voice spinning around and around. The more it would spin, the more critical it would become.  

What would happen for me was a contraction, a kind of collapse inside of myself. As I woke up a little more, to actually pay attention in a new way, I recognized that this voice had a flavor to it. It was, “How could you?” So, there was shame in there, and as I sat with that, I could hear underneath that “How could you?” that there was deep grief inside of myself.  

This voice inside was listing all of the ways that I had failed as a mother. That’s really huge. My life’s dream when I was a little girl was to be a mother. So, it was rehashing all of those moments that I wanted...

Some days make you wonder about the path you are on. There can be days where for absolute weeks, months, and years, decades even! You have been on a path that you have felt called to be on, and then, all of a sudden, a door closes. It’s bewildering, it can be devastating even. It can feel earth shattering and you cry out “Why, what’s happening here!?” 

I’m recognizing today that those moments in my life, when I’ve taken the time to slow down and actually come into presence, in my heart, body and soul, there’s a message for me.  

It’s not “Do not pass Go.” It’s not “Stop.” Or “You’re bad and wrong and what your doing is not worth anything.” It’s not “You’re never going to succeed. You’re never going to be good enough.” 

Though all those seemed like they might be the answer, there was just something wrong with me. There...

Have you ever felt like you don’t fit in anywhere? You could maybe be part of a group feeling totally fine and then all of a sudden, it’s as if there is a disconnect that happens inside. It could be a little bit of dissociation in your mind. Or, maybe it feels like you’ve just become a little bit invisible and there is no sense of a connection between you and anyone else in the group. It’s like there is a space between you and others that before you hadn’t felt at all. 

Then, you notice the other people and you wonder, how are they connected? How are they doing that? I want to acknowledge there can be this experience where it feels like there is something missing. There is some kind of missing linkage.  

I was working with a client the other day and they were having a very similar experience to this. They had been part of a group for quite awhile and what happened was when...

Do you know what is really possible? Well, it is possible that you can awaken to know your truth. You can see new possibilities for relationships that you couldn’t see before. Which means you can no longer hide in the shadows. You can no longer hide in unconsciousness.  

It used to be that you didn’t have a language for heart connection. Because of that you lived a life that felt disjointed and scrambled around in a sense of aloneness. Like a fish out of water. At times it felt pretty scary. 

But now you know it is safe to experience and experiment with new possibilities. You can even do this in real time. You can cultivate pathways, connections with others who have heart connection that support you, nurture you, and empower you, to be all that you were created to be.  

One of the things you can do to continue to support this to happen, is to simply notice. Drop into your own heart and begin to notice what you are doing that activates this...

Have you ever felt completely and utterly alone in the world? Where your experience is one that there was just a lack of tangible support available to you. For some of us our body contracts, our stomach can hurt, and there is a kind of collapse in our system. Then, our thoughts can become dark and it’s like slipping into a void. 

I’ve had that happen to me before. It was not pleasant, nor was it comfortable. Yet, what I know is possible is to seek out accompaniment. So let me tell you a story.  

I reached out to my empathy buddy to have a check in. We hadn’t checked in with one another in a while, and I described what it was like to be me. Then, I asked if they could offer me some resonate support.  

One of the things that was guessed was, “Do you wish that an angel could come down from heaven right to where you are. Standing beside you, they would gently place a hand on your shoulder and acknowledge that “It’s...

How do you talk to yourself? Do you notice how you talk to yourself? How about especially when you’ve made a mistake? What does it sound like, that voice inside of your head?  

Do you even like yourself? I’m wondering, are you self-critical? Or are you ever NOT self-critical? Do you constantly compare yourself to others? Or did your parents compare you to others? Did they constantly compare people? 

Our default mode network (DMN) is the part of us that is the voice in our heads. We all have one. When we’ve had experiences of trauma, then that trauma takes over our default mode network. It reruns all the memories. It really wants us to heal. It can get stuck though.  

When we are little, if we don’t make sense to our moms, then as a baby our system has to run on cortisol in order to survive. This can burn us out. When a baby is born its amygdala (emotional alarm system) is hard wired to create a state of alarm in order to get...

I’ve been on a vacation, but it didn’t show up on my videos because I worked really hard and planned way in advance so I could have time with my daughter and my new grandbaby. It was a lovely time getting to be there with them.  

The thing is, when I was gone, I accidently knocked my hard drive off of the table it was on and it damaged it. I had to send it in to a place to see if they can retrieve the files. Once I got home, I needed to step back into the flow of my work. I found I had this huge heaviness; everything felt too hard, it was just too much. There was a sense of exhaustion and feeling bummed out and rather despondent. I was like, “What’s up with that?” 

So, what I did was take a little time to do a process with myself. It took me a while, first I got on the phone and called an old friend and then I didn’t really want to talk. I knew there was something up for me and decided to use my own tools and see what might be...

Having disagreements with other people can be really painful, and there are many different ways it can go. Maybe it’s a surprise that there is a disagreement, but you feel really strong about the situation or circumstance and someone you care about feels different that you do. 

Or, maybe what’s happened is you didn’t reach out to someone, it hurt their feelings, and now they are upset with you. Maybe they give you the cold shoulder. Maybe they are fiery hot angry, and they get in your face. What’s that like for you? How do you mend that type of a rupture in relationship when you care about somebody?

Sometimes these experiences can feel so raw to us that we drop the relationship. We might feel like, “I’m done with that. I’m not putting up with that energy ever again.” That can give us a clue that we have somewhere in our past made a contract that we would never do that again. Because, words like never, always, and forever, let us...

You know, we all have an automatic voice in our head that tells us how we feel about ourselves. This part of us is known as our Default Mode Network, or DMN. It turns on and starts running anytime we relax and are not focused on doing something. When we are stressed, what it does is worry all the time, and can get on hyper-mode with its worrying. It can get super intrusive, and it gets harder, and harder, to enjoy our life.  

The problem is, when we are stressed, our Default Mode Network thinks that the problem is us. That’s when it’s like a hamster wheel that goes around, and around, and around, and it becomes very, very critical of ourselves. It watches everything we do and analyzes it to prove that we are the problem.  

Well, you know, even though our Default Mode Network is deeply shaped by our unconscious contracts that we hold deep within us, it is possible for our DMN to work really well for us. When it is working well, it very easily learns...

Today I want to ask you, when do you feel wrong? Maybe you feel wrong to ever be angry, or maybe you feel wrong to feel afraid. Some of us feel wrong when we collapse when we feel helpless. Then, others feel wrong when they experience alarmed aloneness.  

But you know what? You might be surprised to learn that you have a RAGE circuit. Your RAGE circuit is there to help you. Because the RAGE circuit reduces stress and anxiety. It lowers our blood pressure and regulates our nervous system. 

It’s our RAGE circuitry that empowers us to be protective and to advocate for whatever might be needed in the moment. I’ll admit, sometimes RAGE or anger can feel really scary. Maybe you experienced RAGE or anger being aimed at people who have less power, and that can be very frightening. It can even be traumatic.  

If that’s been your experience than I’m wondering, do you need acknowledgment that RAGE isn’t meant to be used against the people...