Making decisions can be a formidable challenge for some while others breeze through them with ease. What's the underlying factor that distinguishes these two perspectives?

From my own experience, it often stems from developmental trauma. It could be the result of neglect during our formative years, a lack of attention, or the absence of acknowledgment that we matter. It might also emerge from not having our distress recognized or not feeling safe enough to express it. Each of these experiences can create unique complexities within us.

As our nervous system evolves, we form intricate connections within our brain and body. The map of our identity is shaped by both nature and nurture, influenced by the epigenetic imprints we carry and the potential for generational trauma. However, it's important to note that these patterns need not remain unchangeable.

It may not be a quick fix, but lasting transformation rarely is. Healing yourself is undoubtedly a journey worth embarking upon.

So,...

Today I’m going to talk about a modality that's been gaining popularity in recent years: family constellations.

Family constellations is a therapeutic approach that helps people understand and heal from the negative patterns and dynamics that exist within their family system. It's based on the idea that our families are complex systems, and that problems within those systems can affect us on a deep, emotional level. By uncovering and addressing these problems, we can heal from emotional wounds and live more fulfilling lives.

The practice of family constellations originated in Germany in the 1990s, and has since spread to other parts of the world. It's been used to address a variety of issues, including trauma, addiction, depression, anxiety, and relationship problems. And as more people have experienced the benefits of family constellations, its popularity has continued to grow.

So, how does family constellations work? Essentially, it involves creating a physical...

As I leaned forward in my chair, trying to navigate a virtual high school, I could feel the desperation mounting inside of me. I needed to get a program installed so my son could do his homework, but the computer set up was unfamiliar to me, the mouse was super sensitive, the type on the screen was smaller than my eyes could easily read, and the screen was positioned so I had to look up at it. The strain on my neck tightened by the moment.

"Relax, Mom," my son said gently, noticing how tense I was. "It doesn't have to be so hard. Take a deep breath and let go of the stress."

I took a moment to really hear him and looked into his face. He had grown so much since we began homeschooling him. We had chosen this path because public and private schools didn't meet his unique needs, and we wanted to be able to empower him to learn and grow at his own pace. It wasn't always easy, though. He experienced high anxiety and sensory processing difficulties, and I had to learn how to support him...

I remember when I received a call from a young mother, who was desperately reaching out for support. She said, ”I don't think it was an accident that you have come into my life. I really need help with my daughter, she's got so much anxiety building inside her. Maybe it's not anxiety, but she's just so grumpy all the time!"    

I gently asked, "Hearing your inner sense of desperation, I'm wondering if you would be willing to receive some empathy guesses from me?"   

"Yes," she responded, "I'm so desperate I will try anything! It's so hard to parent her!"   

"Oh, feeling so desperate," noticing my tummy contract, I paused for a moment, "I'm wondering if it might be supportive just to drop into your body for a moment and notice any sensations, any sense of where in your body this feeling of desperation reside?"   

After a moment of silence, she answered, "In my stomach."  

"Does it feel tight or hard?...

Do you like to play? I do, I love getting to play with kids especially. I want to check in as a parent, does your child have a lot of playdates? Do you get to hang out consistently with other moms or dads? Or do you have fewer opportunities for social time? Or maybe, not even any? What's it been like for you as a parent? Especially now, because a lot of things have changed.

I know when Rylan was younger social interactions really stretched him.  They stretched his window of tolerance, yet at the same time he longed for companionship and fun. To have time with others. Where we lived previously was in a rural district out in the middle of 3,000 acres of wheat fields. So, playdates and get-togethers with friends and family were definitely planned in advance.

One time a close friend and I arranged to get-together to have coffee while her two young sons, who were eight and five years old at the time, played with Rylan for a few hours. That was a little bit of heaven back then.

Rylan...

I got to work with somebody who was experiencing a lot of anxiety. Their anxiety had gotten so heightened in them that they were immobilized. They could feel a rumination inside of them where they were worrying, they felt anxious, they acknowledged that something just felt wrong, but they just couldn’t get clear on what it was.  

They were on edge, yet there was an immobility that was happening that was keeping them stuck. Keeping them worrying about things but not clear exactly on what was keeping them stuck. They were wondering, “what is wrong with me? Why is this happening?” and their adrenaline kept increasing. 

I want to acknowledge that when this happens, if we have anxiety as human beings, we don’t have clarity on which circuitry has been stimulated. We have different circuitry in our system that take care of us. But, the experience of anxiety we can tell the difference if it's because we are scared of something, or if it's because we are...