What is trauma? By definition; trauma wreaks havoc in a body, a mind or a system.  Do you imagine the devastation might be less if the person who had the experience were accompanied?

One way to think about trauma, which may seem surprising, is, rather than measuring the magnitude of the horrendous event, we can measure the extent to which the person who experienced the tragedy was left alone with it.  When we approach trauma from this point of view, its after-effects become the evidence that a part of us became stuck in terrifying, isolated, moments of time. 

These little ones hidden within us, the ones we try to care for with self-harming remedies, are formed and then left behind by the rolling waves of trauma, such as; an intensity of loneliness, of terror, or of rage, which as it slowly recedes leaves behind entangled parts of self. The tangles are unchanging in their need; inconsolable, forever desperate, seeking to be soothed by something that is so close to what...

What is the magic of time-travel empathy?

There are different times in each year that I like to take time to slow down and acknowledge just how many miracles I have been blessed to experience in relationship with others. I enjoy recognizing invitations to deepen my capacity to both self-connect and connect with others and listen to the wisdom of our bodies through its felt-sense, becoming more and more horse-like. This year began with knowing I was stepping into a new beginning of my life, in partnership with my majestic herd, and collaboratively growing with warm community. This continues to be an ongoing relational practice. 

A huge part of my learning journey has been intentionally developing my ability to be willing to trust that not only is it possible, but that it's safe, to receive deep, meaningful support for myself. Allowing myself to be vulnerable, transparent, and curious in relationship within a collaborative community of others--sharing resonant space, exchanging...

When we have close relationships with other people, there are going to be inevitable ruptures that will happen. Some of those ruptures may not make sense in the moment, yet they can leave you staggered.

I’ll never forget one day talking on the phone with a very dear, close friend. I heard them say, ”I don't know if I can call you back, I'm so overwhelmed I just don't think I can." 

When I took in this expression from my trusted friend, I felt a sense of shock run through me, as if cold icy water had splashed in my face. My stomach contracted, and my heart burned, desperately crying out in confusion for companionship, mattering and understanding. Then I felt my whole sense of self slowly become numb, and cellular exhaustion descended upon my heart and soul. The rest of the day was a blur as I experienced everything and everyone as an irritation and annoyance. 

I didn't bother to arise early the next morning, but hid underneath the warm thick covers, waiting with...

Do you like to play? I do, I love getting to play with kids especially. I want to check in as a parent, does your child have a lot of playdates? Do you get to hang out consistently with other moms or dads? Or do you have fewer opportunities for social time? Or maybe, not even any? What's it been like for you as a parent? Especially now, because a lot of things have changed.

I know when Rylan was younger social interactions really stretched him.  They stretched his window of tolerance, yet at the same time he longed for companionship and fun. To have time with others. Where we lived previously was in a rural district out in the middle of 3,000 acres of wheat fields. So, playdates and get-togethers with friends and family were definitely planned in advance.

One time a close friend and I arranged to get-together to have coffee while her two young sons, who were eight and five years old at the time, played with Rylan for a few hours. That was a little bit of heaven back then.

Rylan...

There have been times when I’ve felt such deep sadness and pain that I would turn to others and take it out on them. I would flip my lid, get angry, have a fit and get really irritable. When I’m able to slow it down, I tap into what is really happening inside. 

This happened the other day with a client. This client was feeling such distress because they had just flipped their lid with their partner. When we took the time to slow down the experience within, they recognized this memory from when they were six or seven years old. 

They had an experience of being forsaken by their parent. We took time to really be with those sensation and notice the sense of hypervigilance that had arisen within them. The memory unfolded a little more and they realized that when they were seven their mother had another baby. When they brought the baby home, the seven-year-old was moved out of their bedroom and they had the experience that their mom just wasn’t the same.

So,...

I’ve been on a vacation, but it didn’t show up on my videos because I worked really hard and planned way in advance so I could have time with my daughter and my new grandbaby. It was a lovely time getting to be there with them.  

The thing is, when I was gone, I accidently knocked my hard drive off of the table it was on and it damaged it. I had to send it in to a place to see if they can retrieve the files. Once I got home, I needed to step back into the flow of my work. I found I had this huge heaviness; everything felt too hard, it was just too much. There was a sense of exhaustion and feeling bummed out and rather despondent. I was like, “What’s up with that?” 

So, what I did was take a little time to do a process with myself. It took me a while, first I got on the phone and called an old friend and then I didn’t really want to talk. I knew there was something up for me and decided to use my own tools and see what might be...

Have you ever forgotten to bring something when you’ve gone to an appointment? I know I have. Yet, there is something different inside our consciousness where we forget, or it’s like a part of us deliberately forgets. But we want to become conscious of it. So, how do we begin to bring what’s unconscious to our consciousness? 

I was working with someone the other day and they forgot to bring some of the paperwork that they were planning to bring to be able to get some support around some things. When they realized, and it was acknowledged and pointed out that it wasn’t here, that they didn’t have it, they immediately had a felt sense of deep sadness that went clear into despair. There was a really big reaction to that. 

So, we took time to slow down the process right there. Just slowing it down and calling a pause, to uncover what were the shadow beliefs that were underlying that deep sadness and despair. They discovered that they were tapping...