β€œDon’t Give Up On Me Mommy!”

Jul 20, 2022

Do you plan outings with your kids, ones that you both put time and energy into choosing what you'll be doing together and really look forward to? Has anything unexpected ever happened in the midst of one of those special times? If so, how did you react in the moment? Were you able to stay flexible and adaptable or does unpredictability simply knock you way off balance?    

I enjoyed planning outings with my son, Rylan, fairly regularly when he was younger, often folding them into our homeschooling program. I remember one Monday we planned to go shopping for his winter coat after going to the doctor. This day was particularly exciting because we planned to go to the Valley Mall to do our shopping! Let me share the story with you. 

Rylan took my hand in his as we crossed the parking lot to enter the mall, and as we went through the big doors he gave me a big grin saying, "I love you, Mom."  

I gave his hand a squeeze and affirmed, "I love you too, son."...

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Reaching For Attachment

Mar 16, 2022

Have you ever felt really happy to see someone and felt knocked off-balance by their response? Do the needs for predictability and a sense of care in relationships come up in your day-to-day life? These are very familiar needs for me, along with wanting to live with a sense of congruence and ability to make meaning in the midst of those 'off-balance' moments. 

I have been pondering how we are interconnected, and intentionally seeking a way to have solid grounding in my life, for resiliency, wanting to be present in such a way that I am creating meaning and finding purpose in each moment, especially as a parent. Because when I am able to perceive, make sense of, and respond to my child's needs, I am co-creating with him an internal working model of safety and security he can rely on. 

I remember noticing my son was eating and sleeping a lot while going through a really big growth spurt. My guess was it was a really big stimulus for him, and I imagined that his nerve endings...

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Overwhelmed Being the Parent

Jan 19, 2022

Do you ever feel overwhelmed "being the parent" and would it be so sweet for someone to understand, on a cellular level, exactly what your on-going experience is? Does your window of tolerance shrink? Does it get stretched so far you feel you will either burst in frustration or faint from despair? That's where I repeatedly found myself in relationship with my son when his nervous system would get so heightened, and the energy got really big. My nervous system would alert me that my cup was near empty and I was in dire need of some empathy!

While being heard and seen by others with care and resonant empathy was so immensely calming, sometimes we must find ways to give ourselves some compassion when we are all alone.

One time I recognized, in the heat of the moment, a part of me believed the pain of disconnection would last forever. Nothing would ever change, no one would ever want to hang out with us, we were too much, we were too different, it was just too hard for others to be...

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Parenting a Child Who Shows Up Differently

Jan 15, 2022

Do you like to play? I do, I love getting to play with kids especially. I want to check in as a parent, does your child have a lot of playdates? Do you get to hang out consistently with other moms or dads? Or do you have fewer opportunities for social time? Or maybe, not even any? What's it been like for you as a parent? Especially now, because a lot of things have changed.

I know when Rylan was younger social interactions really stretched him.  They stretched his window of tolerance, yet at the same time he longed for companionship and fun. To have time with others. Where we lived previously was in a rural district out in the middle of 3,000 acres of wheat fields. So, playdates and get-togethers with friends and family were definitely planned in advance.

One time a close friend and I arranged to get-together to have coffee while her two young sons, who were eight and five years old at the time, played with Rylan for a few hours. That was a little bit of heaven back then.

Rylan...

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