Today I’ve been spending some time thinking about how some of us might have the experience of being worried whether or not we matter. Maybe we’ve been close to other people in our lives and they go away for a while and we lose that connection that we’ve grown to count on. Then, when they start to come back, there’s an irritation that comes up inside.

You just get angry; you’ve missed them really bad and now they are coming back and you are worried. You are worried that since they’ve been gone so long, they are going to be tired, or maybe their schedule will fill up and there won’t be enough time for you.

Even thinking there’s going to be time for others, but there won’t be time for me. Maybe it’s that you believe you don’t matter enough. If you could just matter enough, then there would be time for you. 

When this kind of a spiraling loop starts happening within us, that is unconscious, we can hear inner voices...

Have you ever had the experience of feeling it’s just too late? Maybe right before you got there you were really looking forward to something. You might have been filled with anticipation, delight, hope, and possibility, and then something unexpected comes up instead of what you were anticipating. It’s just like the shutters come down. There is no conversation around it, there’s no nothing, it’s just like a big wall comes up. It’s too late. 

Maybe you run the mindset that, “It really doesn’t matter anyway.” Or, “I don’t matter anyway. This always happens. It’s just the way it is.” And, there is just no conversation. Instead, there is a complete and utter shutdown. 

It would be painful if you could feel it, but in those moments, it feels so disappointing, that your system blesses you with the neurochemicals to numb you out. You go blank. It’s like there is an invisible field between you and life....