Today I’ve been spending some time thinking about how some of us might have the experience of being worried whether or not we matter. Maybe we’ve been close to other people in our lives and they go away for a while and we lose that connection that we’ve grown to count on. Then, when they start to come back, there’s an irritation that comes up inside.

You just get angry; you’ve missed them really bad and now they are coming back and you are worried. You are worried that since they’ve been gone so long, they are going to be tired, or maybe their schedule will fill up and there won’t be enough time for you.

Even thinking there’s going to be time for others, but there won’t be time for me. Maybe it’s that you believe you don’t matter enough. If you could just matter enough, then there would be time for you. 

When this kind of a spiraling loop starts happening within us, that is unconscious, we can hear inner voices...

This morning when I woke up, I recognized a familiar pattern, of wanting to roll back over and go to sleep. There is an ongoing list in my head of all the things I need to attend to. It felt like the list was growing and getting larger and more difficult. I noticed that familiar time-crunch. The time-crunch, when it happens, can feel painful. It’s as if there is not enough time to attend to everything I want to attend to.

As I’m noticing that, and taking the time to breath into that, and notice what happens in my body when I tell myself that. When I say that there’s not enough time to get everything done. There is a tightening that happens, a constriction.

Then, I thought about my herd, I haven’t even gotten to spend as much time with them as I would like to. So, I’m out here to spend time with my herd now. I love the way they support me and stand beside me; they have done that for years. Taking time to be, right where I am, with acceptance and grace.

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