A Long String Gets In A Big Tangle...
Apr 23, 2021
Did you know that we are profoundly relational when we are tiny beings? It’s true. We are born being relational. When we have trauma that happens in our life, a good metaphor of that could be having a long string that gets in a big tangle. Have you ever tried to get a tangle out of string? Especially when it’s really fine string?
One of the clients I work with has uncovered the truth that when they were tiny, they didn’t have the opportunity for others to be relational with them. Yet, because we are born profoundly relational it can cause a big tangle in our string of life.
How that has shown up in this one’s life is to be close to a person and enjoying time with them, and then something in their environment triggers this trauma tangle inside, and it’s as if something takes over. Without conscious awareness there is this deep inner shift within, and a profound sense of lack, and a belief that they are just not enough, and they have absolutely nothing of value to contribute.
One of these instances was triggered by the presence of another being that was contributing in a circle and was able to engage. There was something about this that caused this other person to withdraw, shut down inside, and believe “I’m not good enough.”
There is a really big need for compassionate understanding and for them to be met right there in their experience. Without being made wrong. So, the practice can become, with repetition of being held in this way, we can begin to practice noticing when the trigger gets alarmed. We can notice the unfolding of this automatic pattern of this trauma bubble overcoming all out senses. We can begin to witness ourselves.
As we practice this witnessing of self in action, without judgment, there is something that begins to happen inside. Especially if we can begin to practice a warm eye gaze. In order to develop this, we need to actually be held and accompanied by another that is skilled in this way. It is an exquisitely gentle process.
For the unfurling of the inner being to experience being noticed, mattering, and making sense while being accompanied, rather than being left alone in their alarm. It begins this miraculous inner experience. It’s like a solvent comes in with the warmth and resonance of accompaniment, and all the sticky glue where all the trauma pieces were glued together begin to melt away, and things begin to unfurl and become untangled. What a relief this is to the nervous system!
Being able to have this practice in place does require that there is a trust that begins to grow from the inside out. From one heart to another. I’m so privileged to get to journey with people as they make these discoveries and become empowered from within.
Empowered to be able to name their experience in the moment, but also before that to be empowered to call a pause and drop into their body and begin to notice, and witness, their own experience. That meets needs for beauty and hope in our world, and we need more of that.