All Too Soon They Are Grown and Gone

Have you ever experienced life as being so full and complex that there is hardly enough space within yourself to take a breath? Or maybe you experience so many differing things vying for your attention, you can barely even think, let alone be able to stay present and in choice, about what to attend to next? How do you live in congruence with your own personal values? Are you in full choice around what you are about in life? 

I notice within my being a complexity of sensations, emotions, protective impulses, inner images, stories, and a fluctuating ability to truly stay present to my full experience in a given moment. I am noticing how my growing ability to track my own variety of experience, with self and while relating with others, enables me to feel more alive, vibrant, and in full choice around whatever I am about. 

I remember one summer brought me the opportunity to transition into a different schedule with Rylan, the one who is my son. When I looked at my schedule, I sensed a tension in my shoulders that radiated up my neck as one part of myself wondered how on earth I would possibly be able to maintain the flow of my work. 

Pausing a moment, I turned slightly, and felt the welcoming warmth of my Essential Self acknowledge just how much I love what I do. A few needs that are met are for inspiration, joy, meaning and purpose as well as contributing in the lives of others. 

Rylan was thirteen at the time, and growing into being a young man. His voice was deepening and he stood nearly as tall as me. I remember feeling a clutch in my gut, when I acknowledged how all too soon he too would be grown and ready to spread his wings to follow his own inner knowing just as his older siblings had. 

My eyes tear up remembering how each of my children grew so quickly and the opportunities to join with them became less frequent. At the time, I noticed my chest swell with a fierce love for each one of my children, and I deliberately chose to be about enjoying every moment I had to join with them, especially Rylan, during his very formative years as he developed into an adult. 

As I set my resolve, I took a deep, cleansing breath. I felt my throat constricted and then released as I became clear and focused. I smiled to myself and felt immense gratitude for my awareness.

There is a complexity of experience my Essential Self holds while acknowledging the varying degrees of consciousness within me; the physical, the emotional, the biochemical, the mental, and the One that breathes across them all - the timeless spiritual aspect of my sense of Self. Wondering how will I navigate the waters of Life with the one who is my son? 

It's as if I am at the top of a mountain pass, preparing to glide down through the glaciers of ice and snow, sensing my way... a descent into direct experience... mindfully exhilarating in choice with each opening of the way - choosing to live In Relationship in the Now.

This way of being requires diligence and consistent self-care to stay present. When we take the time we need, to attend to our own growth and development of self, we become more and more available to accompany others, especially our children. That’s what I’m most passionate about.