Are You Influenced By Other People's Choices?
Apr 30, 2021
I’d like to share with you a life lesson that I have just recently learned. What it’s around is noticing your own inner pattern of wanting to do what others do. You may not even be consciously aware of it in the moment, but be so influenced by other people’s choices that are in close proximity to, or that you are spending time with.
Recently I’ve noticed this in relationship with my husband. I found it fascinating, yet I had a sense that inside there was a quality like it was secretive; that it was like I was being sneaky about when I would make a choice if he didn’t make a choice. I found that just fascinating!
So, what I did was reach out to my long-term empathy buddy, and I got a little support around that. We all need support in our lives, we all need accompaniment.
Stepping into a container of warmth, care, and resonance, I was able to name this experience and discover that there was no shame or judgement – I was not met that way. Instead, there was an acknowledgement that I just love complete relaxation. There was a deep release inside, just being able to name that, to have the freedom to name that.
After awhile I was able to notice a tension that came up my back and the back of my neck. Very much like the hair on the back of my neck standing up. Which, again, I met with a lot of curiosity and interest. What was uncovered was an inner belief that someone was going to find me and then I would lose this safe haven, and my relaxation. So, I went on alert!
What this part needed, even though we had time-traveled to her, was to have the experience of time actually stopping. When time stopped, then my inner child no longer needed to be monitoring the environment. She could relax at a cellular level. There was a recognition that this is not the way it was when I was a child, most of the time. This was revealing to my friend and I an unconscious contract.
It went something like this; “I, small Gloria, solemnly swear to my Essential Self, that I will steal moments of freedom with small sips and small chips that relax me. I really liked chocolate chips and I really liked salty chips! I liked drinks that were sweet and smooth and refreshing. I would steal these moments of freedom in order to make sure that my soul gets to exist in the controlling system where I live. No matter the cost to myself or those I love. Which made it really final.
I had tears I was so deeply touched by my child-self wanting to make sure my soul gets to exist. Such a beautiful contract. Being with her though, and recognizing my child-self, I released her from this contract, and I revoked the vow in order to bestow my blessing upon her.
I blessed her with the felt-sense that it’s not dangerous now. She gets to have the freedom not to choose what she eats, what she drinks, where she goes, and who she spends time with. She gets to do this my looking into her own heart and soul; rather than looking outside of her to see what others are doing. That is a huge difference.
When this happened, it was as if she took me by the hand, and the hand of my empathy buddy, and she invited up to go up a tree with her. She had a tree in the backyard as a child, a big fur tree. She’d climb up to the tippy-top where there were branches like a seat where she would sit with whatever she had taken from the house. A lot of saltine crackers and chocolate chips; those were the favorite things. We sat up there and enjoyed the smell, being in nature, with the wind blowing us slowly back and forth. It was beautiful.
From there I asked her, “Would you like to come home with me?”
To which she responded, “Yes, I would!”
What we got to do was another thing she enjoyed as a child. Flying. We took hold of hands and stepped off into the air where we could float, and the wind gently carried us all the way back here to Healing You Sanctuary. It was so wonderful and such a surprise the freedom that can come when we take the time to trust that there is a safe haven that we can be met in with compassionate understanding. We can relax and enjoy that moment and carry it with us.