Being Made Wrong

Have you ever forgotten to bring something when you’ve gone to an appointment? I know I have. Yet, there is something different inside our consciousness where we forget, or it’s like a part of us deliberately forgets. But we want to become conscious of it. So, how do we begin to bring what’s unconscious to our consciousness? 

I was working with someone the other day and they forgot to bring some of the paperwork that they were planning to bring to be able to get some support around some things. When they realized, and it was acknowledged and pointed out that it wasn’t here, that they didn’t have it, they immediately had a felt sense of deep sadness that went clear into despair. There was a really big reaction to that. 

So, we took time to slow down the process right there. Just slowing it down and calling a pause, to uncover what were the shadow beliefs that were underlying that deep sadness and despair. They discovered that they were tapping into a sense of unworthiness. An immediate belief of, “I’m wrong. I am a failure. I’m going to be made wrong.”  

I don’t want to be in a hurry when this kind of a shadow begins to emerge and make itself known. I want to catch the rhythm of the person I am accompanying. So, we slowed way down and went into the heart-space. Our heart-space, the electromagnetic field there, really supports us to be in communion with the cells of our body where our implicit memories that are unconscious reside. It can make them accessible to us.  

So, this person slowed down to be with their inner experience. They didn’t have an actual memory that popped for them. What they did have was a felt sense that this was the way it had always been in their life. There was an experience that if there was something pointed out that they did wrong then they would be left behind or they would be sent away, or there might be harm that would be done to them. As a result of this lifetime experience, they felt like they wouldn’t exist anymore. If they were made wrong, then they would be banished.  

It was like a very little voice that said, “I may as well go hide under a rock and die.” Because that experience was just too hard. So, slowing down to acknowledge the need right there that wasn’t met. The need for a sense of warm accompaniment and understanding, as well as having the experience of unconditional love and acceptance. So really recognizing there was an unconscious contract here. They took the time to drop in and name the contract, solemnly swearing to Essential Self, and there was a tangle in there; they were going to stay small and innocent in order to be taken care of by others for protection. They were also going to do everything perfect in order to be loved.  

Because, if they felt they were going to be left or sent away, they wanted to avoid that pain of alarmed aloneness. So, slowing down to be with that and inviting in our Essential Self, our Spirit, to actually hear this contract or vow that we’ve made to ourselves in order to avoid the pain that was just too much for our nervous system, no matter the cost to ourselves or those that we love.  

We check in with our Essential Self and say, “Did you hear that vow that your little one made to you?” Then taking the time to actually hear it. It can be so helpful to actually see the small child self that we were, to bring up self-compassion.  

“Yeah I heard it and I don’t like it.” Then speaking to the child self, “I release you from this contract and I revoke the vow. I bestow upon you my blessing in it’s place.” The blessing was so beautiful. It was being blessed with love, closeness and security. For the courage to reach out and to know you have companionship in your heart. And like an elephant, you’ll never forget that. To know you’ll be met with compassionate understanding. 

This brought a lightness to this one’s whole head, which had felt very heavy before, and there was an experience of relaxation and the sadness had dissipated. Then the Essential Self gets to ask the child, “Would you like to time-travel home with me where you will closeness and warmth and care?” 

The little one says, “Yes, I would.” 

Our little one gets to be as creative as they want to imagine what it would be like. How would they like to time-travel? Well, this little one was under two-years-old and wanted to time-travel on a pink unicorn. So, their Essential Self called in that pink unicorn and they hopped on to fly to a green pasture that had pink flowers in it. 

There is another place that really powerful to strengthen those neural fibers, is to fly up above our timeline and travel across it from that young age right up to present time. What would be different in our life?  

So, this one said, “As I grow up and go to school, I feel curious and interested in what I will learn. I make lots of friends and we are really close. When I go to High School, sometimes I don’t get 100% and that is okay. I will learn more the next time and I will share what I learn with my friends. In college I have a big heart, my friends say I’m like an elephant because I am so compassionate with my understanding. I become a teacher of special needs students because I have compassion for them.” 

The new message they received through this experience was “I am confident and loving.” 

Next, they slowed down to come back to the moment when they realized they hadn’t brought some things with them, in order to acknowledge the needs that were alive for them in that moment. It was a sense of innate worthiness, and really needing confidence. 

Using the tool of the Two Trees, to come into the roots of compassion to find out what is the quality that would support you to stay present without feeling diminished by this experience of having forgotten something? It was empowerment, with love and compassion. Next, they time-travel to just before they arrived here and realize they have not brought their paperwork.  

They said, “I stand up and I twirl to be empowered with love and compassion, and I stay engaged replying, ‘You are right, I didn’t think it was necessary. Do you have a copy of the paperwork so we can unpack this part?’” 

There was such a huge sense of relief and astonishment that underneath this initial experience, where they felt this sadness and despair, that there was a very little nonverbal part of them, that was waiting to be found. That was waiting to be received with resonance and compassionate understanding so they could time-travel home and bring their gifts with them.  

It’s really nice to follow up a process like this with taking an authentic action. Which empowers us going forward the next day or two. So, this person is going to reach out to another person to make a repair with them, when they had responded in anger and walked away.  

For me there were needs met for awe, wonder, and healing, and the tenderness of these little parts when we have this felt sense of an experience. To learn to listen to our body’s wisdom, and to slow down to be with it with warmth and resonance.