Today I was thinking about those times in my life when I have just wanted to be griping about something. Or I’m moaning and I’m complaining. I notice what that’s like for me, inside of my system, inside of my thought life, when I’m doing that. What are the behaviors that show up when I’m in that mood?
Because I also notice, when I’m observing others and they are wanting to grip about things happening in their life; they are not happy, they are moaning and complaining, I know what that is like for me! Sometimes I might guess, “Do you need a little shared reality around what it’s like when people go there? That is like this wild horse got loose and it’s galloping around through the space and no one is even acknowledging it? Or, is it as if you are in this room and a big elephant came in and plopped right down in the center and everyone is pretending it’s not there? But it’s so obvious that it’s there.”
That’s the way it can feel sometimes when trauma shows up in our behavior, in our thoughts, in our life. It’s like this whole different experience comes into the room or into the space, and nobody is talking about it. Nobody is naming it. Yet, everyone can feel that something is amiss.
We might get really uncomfortable, and squirm around, we might withdraw and be like, “okay, it’s time for me to go now.” Or, maybe we’ll start criticizing, we start telling people, “This is what you should do instead.” Maybe we will one-up them and tell them, “Well, this is what happened to me…” Or maybe we just try to avoid, pretend nobody is speaking, just dismiss them. Or just disagree, make them wrong.
There are so many different ways, when something feels uncomfortable, or there is something happening and nobody wants to name it, that behavior can become complex and even more interesting. So right here there is a key that I have discovered in my life, is when I notice that about myself or others; when I can invite in my curiosity glasses, or my curiosity lenses, nobody can see you have them on. Except, your behavior is going to change.
You might have a little more forward posture, more interest and leaning in just slightly. Interested to engage and learn to see underneath the behavior or see past those words. To be empowered to understand and sense into what is underneath that which is needing to be named. Or, needing to be recognized and not made wrong, but to be understood with compassion. Because all behavior is communication, do you understand the language? Most of us are not taught that.
It’s possible to learn that language of life that allows you to connect with others. Or, to translate, whatever that behavior or thoughts are, into what is life serving and allows there to be a heart connection between one another reciprocally.
What would you like to be able to experience differently in your life when you hear the grumpiness coming? Or you sense the griping is going to start up. What is it that is so annoying to you in that way and how can you start to invite in some curiosity? To be empowered to stay relational rather than judgmental.
Because, you know, we can only change our own thoughts and behaviors when we become consciously aware of them. When we do become consciously aware of our own thoughts and behaviors and slow it all down and begin to notice our sensations and emotions to discover our sacred values, we discover there is a whole new paradigm it’s possible to live in.