Desperate to Experience Something Different

I found my way to Nonviolent Communication and Interpersonal Neurobiology out of desperation to experience something different, and gratefully have received a TON of empathy support over the years. Being held in a container of warmth, understanding, and acceptance, has allowed the embedded patterns of my conditioning to unravel and new neural pathways of resilience to lie down in my nervous system. As I consistently received resonant empathy support, over time I developed my own resonating self-witness. 

This inner-witness is not simply a compassionate voice; it is a deeply responsive, warmly curious, and generous voice. These new pathways empower us to live into a new way of being in our relationships, with ourself, and with others. 

I remember receiving a correspondence from someone who began their communication acknowledging the value they experience for the gifts I bring into the world, and I noticed how my heart felt soft and open in response. The next sentence, however, moved swiftly into an expression of pent up anger and frustration around how this person experienced being in relationship with me, followed by demands around how I should show up in the relationship. I felt stunned, I perceived a sense of patronizing superiority in the the language used.  I noticed a sharp pang radiated in my chest, my gut clenched and I felt disconcerted by the incongruences as I read through the communication. In that moment I rocked back and breathed deeply into my belly. I slowed everything down and tuned into my inner experience. 

Coming forward in my minds eye, my resonating self-witness checked in with me, "Are you sensing a threat to your integrity and personal space?"  I noticed my semi-collapsed form shifted ever so slightly as I soaked up the tender gaze, attuned resonance, and enduring care now available to me. 

"Remember," she acknowledged gently, "I am here with you; I know how much you value authenticity, especially in relationships with those holding positions of perceived power in leadership." My breathing deepened as I turned my attention further inward. 

"What is the learning here for me right here and now?" I wondered aloud, to my self-witness, "What pattern is emerging to empower me to be me anyway?" 

A little information here; neuroscience reveals how old patterns or neuro-nets, dissipate when they are no longer driving behaviors for survival. As we experience the felt sense of being safe and of mattering, we begin to live in our "social engagement system" the ventral channel of the vagus nerve. When the energy is flowing through the ventral channel, we are empowered to notice that other people, as well as our self, exist in the moment. We develop and enhance dual sensory awareness. Not only do we tune into our inner experience, we can see other people's faces, take in their subtle cues, and perceive the impact our interactions have had on them relationally. This means that we notice when the heart-connection has been negatively impacted, and we reach out to restore it. This is called repair. Now back to my experience. 

As I paused, I focused on tapping into my heart space, witnessing the energy running and flowing through my vagus nerve connecting me with Source Energy. As I took this time to listen deeply to my body's needs, I received the learning available to me in the moment. 

Rather than falling into an old default pattern of taking it personally, giving up, getting distracted, or making anyone "wrong" (including myself) by choosing self-connection it was possible to stay engaged and recognize my own reactive conditioning, no matter how subtle it may be. 

I experienced I can be vulnerable and honest with myself about my default network; and I can take the time I need for self-repair using self-compassion and gaining self-understanding. From this space within, my inner experience begins to make sense and I am empowered with all the grace and freedom I need to be me. 

I am willing to take responsibility for my own feelings and needs - and to contribute to Life differently - with honesty, confidence and authentic self-expression. 

Energetically this changes the whole dance step of interpersonal connection. This is the relational dance of authenticity experienced through Constellations with Horses.


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