I’ve taken the time to get present with the truth that there are many of us on this life journey who have had the experience of not really knowing who we are. The experience of not knowing what to do in our life, or how to be in life.
We find ourselves going through the motions, like a robot on auto-pilot, driven by the shouldn’t and the ought’s and have-to’s of our life. What we have been conditioned to believe we should do, or we ought to do, or told we have to do, and that drives our behavior.
I remember in my life, there is more than once that I found myself in this place. I remember meeting another person who was talking about the value of awakening, and a rebirth of their whole felt-sense of self. I was like, “What are you talking about?” I didn’t get it. How is that possible? I just had so much doubt that there was actual value to what this other person was saying.
Then, I had a lot of shame around my doubt and about my emotions, not trusting that it was safe to show up in my doubt, or with my questions. So, then I had this very harsh, contemptuous, rather ridiculing voice inside that would consume me with worry, shame and guilt. It was a vicious loop. I was doing my best to figure this thing called life, out.
Well, I’m here to tell you that it is possible to find your path, and to find on that path that you are free, to be who you were born to be. That it’s possible to have compassionate understanding around these intricacies and subtleties of life. You can actually be inspired by your life. Be inspired by life itself and step into that experience to be One with Life in its fullness.
Then, you can embody your whole felt-sense in your Being. You get to Be who you Are. Nothing more and nothing less. And those emotions that used to stymie you, and confuse you and you’d feel worry and guilt? It’s possible to discover that they make sense, that YOU make sense. It’s like, “No wonder you felt the way you did!” Because now you understand what was lying underneath that.
When you honor your emotions, you are able to then receive their messages, which is a bottom-up process. You develop your capacity to be gentle, kind, and loving. To have a sense of peace that resides within you.
How is this possible? Part of it is our perceptions. There is paradigm shift that happens from where we perceive we don’t know who we are, to get to that place where we know we are free to be who we were created to be. It’s developing your capacity to know deep inside; for me I say, “I know that I am enough as I am.” Then, let that sink in for a minute. It’s because I am open to receive; I am open to receive from Life, through my heart, through my sensations, through my emotions, to live in the NOW. I am empowered by my heart connection with Life. To breathe into that and be in that in this moment, in that connection.
That would require a skillset, and if we don’t have it then we need to start somewhere. Where I started on my journey was first noticing what did I tell myself, and that was foreign. I hadn’t even realized that I was telling myself something. I was like, “What? What are you talking about?”
Then not just noticing what I would tell myself, but then connecting the dots; how does what I tell myself drive my behavior? How are those connections being made unconsciously? I wasn’t aware this was happening. When I started to notice that, then I could also take the time to slow down notice how that feels in my body. It was a contraction with a bit of collapse in my body because there was a shame reaction when we collapse that way. It comes from that belief of scarcity that we are not enough as we are.
From that place, to bring in a compassionate witness; sometimes it helps to have an image of someone you love. It could be a grandmother, a close friend, a parent, it could be an animal. To bring in an image of someone you trust, someone you are safe with. From that place in your body, notice when you bring in that compassionate witness what happens in your body, slow time down to be with it. Notice what happens within your being.
If you are willing to start taking those steps today, to learn those skills, then I encourage you to have something to write it down on. Each step, practice slowing down in your day; you could start out once a day or twice a day. My preference would be three times a day to take time to slow down and notice; what have I been telling myself and what behaviors are coming from that? Then, write it down. Then, slow it down another minute; how does it feel in your body? Write it down. Then, bring in that compassionate witness and notice what happens inside, and write it down. Practice this daily. Then, as you practice writing it down, as you reflect back you can begin to notice that your patterns are changing. That’s cool when that happens.