Fear of Being Attacked and Made Wrong
Mar 19, 2021
Have you ever taken a fall, gotten hurt, and needed to ask for help? I had a fall, pretty recently, I was on a hike, slipped and fell on some branches and got a puncture wound on my shin. I was laid up for awhile because it was a severe injury and I’m grateful I had the support that I needed. To be able to rest and receive support from people as I needed it.
A client I work with took a tumble when they were riding their bike. Through that experience they felt vulnerable, their injuries got infected and they needed to ask for help. Yet they found they were stuck in a fear that they would be attacked and made wrong. They believed there wasn’t any guidance that they could receive. This felt incongruent to them, so they reached out to me for help.
This is a different kind of help; to unpack what was causing that stuckness inside from this injury that they had and this infection, to have such a strong visceral reaction. They had some shadow beliefs coming up for them. As I took the time to slow the process down, to be with what was arising, the memories of when this person was 11 or 12 came up.
They were asking for some support from their mom, and they were shut down and dismissed. They were not welcomed as they were. In fact, they were scolded and told things like, “You should have listened to me before.”
When they expressed unhappiness, they would be told with sternness, “Well, I don’t know what you have to be unhappy about. You won’t find a better family that you could live with.” So, they didn’t feel included, or acceptance from a young age. They didn’t feel supported to learn how to do things, and they developed some beliefs that there was something wrong with them. They didn’t believe they could trust themselves, rather then developed the habit to attempt to control everything.
Have you ever had the experience where you attempt to control everything so that it can feel safe and calm? It’s a flurry inside when we are attempting to control everything outside of ourselves.
We did a little time-travel empathy with their younger self, and we were able to recognize the need for inclusion, because this part felt excluded. It felt chaotic, and like they were a failure and not worthy of acceptance. So, the needs under that are to first slow down and acknowledge what that’s like to feel in your body. When you feel you are not worthy of acceptance, to feel the sensations, to feel where in your system this energy is stuck. Then to resonate with it, to be with it, “No wonder there is a shut down. No wonder there is a vulnerability attempting to protect self from being attacked, and from being rejected."
As we sat with it then this person was able to tap into their Essential Self, their Compassionate Self. They were able to give blessings to the child self. They gave the blessing to trust their inner knowing, to be able to set authentic limits with others, and to have accompaniment from within themselves, with self-acceptance. They envisioned being able to hold hands with their younger self as they had an inner-parts dialogue and invited the younger self to come home with them, to live with them, to be included and experience mattering.
There are two different parts; there is the child part and there is the adult part that can reach back in time and take the child’s hand and welcome them home. To invite them to come back into your own heart. As they were able to move through this process there were powerful sensations in their sternum. And, the request the child-self had for them was would they be willing to slow down in their life and take the time to become present to their body’s wisdom to check in with Self. Then there was a sense of clarity, ease and comfort. It was a beautiful healing experience.
So, how important is it to be able to recognize the ever-present-past when it begins to surface in our life. To have the courage to reach out for some support when we need it. When we get to have that support, with resonance, warmth and care, we create new pathways that support us to welcome more of our self to come home. To wake up and be who we were created to be.