Have you ever had the experience of feeling it’s just too late? Maybe right before you got there you were really looking forward to something. You might have been filled with anticipation, delight, hope, and possibility, and then something unexpected comes up instead of what you were anticipating. It’s just like the shutters come down. There is no conversation around it, there’s no nothing, it’s just like a big wall comes up. It’s too late.
Maybe you run the mindset that, “It really doesn’t matter anyway.” Or, “I don’t matter anyway. This always happens. It’s just the way it is.” And, there is just no conversation. Instead, there is a complete and utter shutdown.
It would be painful if you could feel it, but in those moments, it feels so disappointing, that your system blesses you with the neurochemicals to numb you out. You go blank. It’s like there is an invisible field between you and life. You can’t feel anything anymore.
Well, you know it’s possible to heal, it’s possible to lay down new pathways to be able to stay engaged within yourself, when disappointment tries to take you out at the knees. It’s possible to slow it down and start to unravel the knot. The neuron-net that’s like a knot that just stuck. It can be so stuck you don’t even see it coming, all of a sudden you are there again.
When you take the time, and you have the accompaniment, someone with experience that can walk alongside of you, so your body has a new experience. It feels safe, it feels accompanied, it feels possibility is close, closer than it’s ever been. This part may need to take it slow. Because one of the mindsets that’s most likely been running it that this isn’t possible, that nothing can ever help, and that no one could possibly understand.
When we have looping patterns, in those neuro-nets, they are actually unconscious. They are running our behavior; they are running our thought patterns. It’s like we have been programmed, or imprinted, and we don’t even like it! It’s not like we do this on purpose. It is actually a learned behavior; it is a conditioning. When you are able to have the support, that can gently accompany you are somatically in your body, and slow down the patterns of the mind, you can start to build a bridge. A bridge of possibility of stepping into staying in relationship, of having an opinion. Having a different point of view and being okay with that. When something happens unexpectedly, you can stay engaged in the conversation and curious. You can discover new answers, new possibilities and new doors can open up.
I worked with a client this last week, and this was one of the patterns that was elusive and hard to get a hold of. Yet, by stepping into the process of slowing time down, and sinking into the heart, to ask the body’s wisdom, “What is ready to heal?” Then waiting to see what would emerge. There was a very young self, so young, and very tender. That had the experience of not being met where she was. Of feeling super sad, and very alone and lonely. And, that there was nothing that she could do different.
To slow down and have compassion for that part that was never caught, never held with tenderness. To allow that to be an experience in this present moment. To recognize the need, the need to belong, the need to matter, the need to actually be felt.
To take time. Have you ever felt like nobody ever takes time for you? There may be some underlying causes for that. Time is an experience. Because when you take the time in these moments, time becomes time-less. You can even travel through time, and you can have inner parts conversations in order to welcome these parts home into integration. Into the wholeness that you already are.
As you stay with the body, and the wisdom of the body, and bring it into consciousness, what was once lost is now found. And, accompanied with warmth and care. That is just a profound experience to have. It’s possible folks, it’s so possible.
When you take the time, and have the courage, to be in relationship with yourself, and to allow someone to be with you, you can start to develop your capacity to stay engaged. To stay in relationship, because relationship is what really matters.