Surfacing Through Breaker Waves - Guest Blog by Ruth Crea
When we’ve experienced complex trauma, often, there is a part of us that wants to be healed yesterday. We compulsively move through life looking for the next thing that will make everything better - seeking freedom from the pain deep within us.
Let me assure you this is very common and normal to experience.
What we can learn, when we are accompanied with resonance each step of our journey, is how to Be with ‘what is’. To learn it is possible to become Present, even in the face of stress. This is difficult to put into words as it is a ‘felt’ experience that informs us from within.
The depth of such a journey is profound, I’m pleased to share with you the blog of ‘One’ such individual who is finding her path to Wholeness…
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“Even though I have been receiving support from Gloria for several years, when she developed The Healing You Method with tangible tools for her online intensive course, I got in touch with some of my younger parts. These parts were really attached to only get one-on-one support from Gloria in person. My inner child believed that if I was able to do the processes on my own, then my support would just go away, and there are still some parts that can feel fearful of this. It sounds something like, “If I become self-reliant, I will no longer need Gloria, and then I will be left all alone.”
I really value the support that I receive from The Healing You Journey, and I don’t want it to end. Even though I understand that support will always be there, I still notice this fear. I have relied on Gloria to be curious and invite me to experiment to see what I am needing. I like how she keeps her curiosity glasses on and consistently does her best to support me however I show up. And, of course, I like the attention, the compassion, and the love and tenderness that she brings with her to my sessions.
The Healing You Method has become very familiar to me, and yet I had the most challenging time with it when I was invited to become empowered by practicing the processes on my own. I could hear the chatter of my inner child, a very young part, asking with bewilderment, “how can you expect me to even do this?”
I want to pause to acknowledge that Gloria demonstrated so much patience and compassion for me as she supported me to become willing to work with this method. At times on the journey I would get so angry, because I just didn’t have any idea how to answer any of the questions! To be honest, it wasn’t that I didn’t have any idea how to answer the questions, I wasn’t willing to have curiosity.
I didn’t just get angry at the method; I also felt angry that Gloria asked me to take responsibility for my own healing. I didn’t want to have to think, I wanted things to stay the same. I wanted Gloria to do everything for me. Inside I became so growly, like a little child.
Initially when Gloria offered me the Healing You Guide, so that I could be more self-sufficient and empowered, I did not want anything to do with it. I would explode and throw my papers down and sometimes throw them at Gloria! I know, it might sound shocking, yet, what this opened up for me to learn is; my behavior clearly reflected my intense frustration, and there was an entangled struggle surfacing from deep inside my being.
I am grateful to share that I now have a new outlook on things as I’ve awakened, and my eyes have opened. I continue to have weekly one-on-one sessions with Gloria (sometimes more) and I’m beginning to journey through the Healing You Intensive for the third time. It wasn’t until sometime during the second intensive that I found the courage to do a process on my own. Since experiencing that profound inner shift, I have been willing to explore doing this process on my own more and more consistently and I feel so empowered.
I would like to share something else. I don’t always feel this empowerment. There are times I get triggered and feel thrown back into the abyss. Then I might get angry and the whispers of past beliefs; like nothing will ever help, and I’m tempted to move into complete despair … until I am willing to take responsibility for myself and make a clear request for support.
More so, I acknowledge that the pattern of falling into complete despair is quite familiar. Yet, each time I have built up my courage and confidence to seek out Gloria’s support, I have experienced a shift back into consciousness. This is how healing happens. It is not linear and it is not neat. It can be messy and feel unpredictable and at times hopeless, but when you are willing to have faith, healing happens.
It is kind of like getting through the breaker waves in the ocean. It can feel really tough, getting through those breaker waves, and at times you can feel thrown all the way back to shore. However, once you break through, the sailing is smoother. Waves may come up and knock you around a bit, but they become more manageable. This is how it feels for me now.
I am more empowered, and I have more confidence in my abilities after practicing consistently self-connection with self-compassion. It is fairly predictable that I might fall back behind the breaker waves once again, and I will need accompaniment to move through them, and now I trust it will be all right. I have faith in this journey that my healing is happening.”
- By Ruth Crea