The Root of Ruptures in Relationships

What is at the root of ruptures in relationships? Is it possible to stay engaged? Have you ever experienced meeting another person and everything felt like it clicked? You finish each other's sentences and rift off the meaning underlying whatever concept you are exploring? Ahhh... the enjoyment of budding new relationships filled with infinite possibilities! It's likened to a "honeymoon" experience in relationships with powerful attractor fields at play.

What was it like when the "honeymoon" was over? When things didn't unfold as you had predicted or hoped for? When the first unexpected wrinkle in the smooth interactions was noticed - what was your felt experience in that moment? 

Perhaps your body paused in contraction, your brow furrowed, and you noticed you were unable to speak. Did you hold your breath?

Maybe your spine straightened, and you leaned forward aggressively, as a compulsion to take action was sparked within you "to communicate, take control, or set things right!" 

Or could it be you experienced checking out, a hazy fog in your mind, a felt sense of disappearing in the relationship. Was the exchange experienced as abrupt, or harsh, and directed at you in the moment? Did you lose your focus and become distracted with other things to occupy your attention? 

What might it be like to notice (whatever your first reaction may have been) and then choose to do something differently instead? What if you paused, for just a moment, with the intention to witness the experience? 

Is it possible to stay curious about your own inner experience? To slow down time and notice how you receive communication? Rather than making it "right or wrong" simply witness your experience of receiving this unique flavor of energy which has alerted your nervous system. What do you notice about your reaction to this particular frequency? Do you receive it through your body sensations, or do you receive it from outside or inside your mind? Could it be you receive information from energy through images that come suddenly, or is it that a message emerges as an "inner knowing" and you trust it is true? 

With gentle curiosity (and suspended judgement) can you notice a unique pattern emerge? Which frequency of energy in motion (emotion) has knocked you off balance consistently? What are your automatic reactions?

My personal pattern was to disappear, especially in the face of energy I perceived as condescending and dominantly harsh. I would experience myself as "wrong" and "shamed" and if I couldn't actually disappear, I would have no words to stay engaged or name my truth. My way of reacting became learned helplessness and hopeless with a high sensitivity to my environment. I perfected my way of surviving victimhood (who I perceived I was from experience) rather than thriving (being who I am born to be). 

Once we begin to break unspoken cultural rules about what can be referenced and mentioned, we will need empathy support for shame and our sense of exclusion. To matter and feel acceptance in relationship with peers is a very important sign of satisfaction in interpersonal relationships.


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