Trauma Can Be Really Huge For Us
I want to acknowledge that trauma can be really huge for us. It’s connected to how we perceive our world as well as how we make meaning in our life. I had a session with a client earlier, and they shared how when they were getting off a call with someone, that they were in this state of feeling incapable of existing. It was as if there was a dark shroud surrounding them, enveloping them. They could sense something was awry and a deep sense of disappointment was within them, not feeling complete. Yet, at the same time there was an experience of feeling incapable of doing anything. Ever again. A sense that there was no going back to where they had been before. I’m imagining it was a kind of lostness.
So, slowing down and being able to hear the message that the trauma-self had received in this experience was I’m incapable. The importance of connection in that moment with me was to slow time down for them to actually feel felt in that moment. And, to recognize that there was a part of them that had been fractured and splintered yet was now ready to feel felt.
This is a very initial step in integrating past trauma, to be met right there in the experience; feeling the sense of a shroud around you, the darkness and incapability with the starkness that there was absolutely nothing you could do to get back. Then to slow time down to deepen into naming a sense of befuddlement, of not knowing what might happen next.
Then there was another part that emerged as well, that had a belief that it was the end of the earth, the end of time, and they would never figure it out. They would be lost forever in this sense of befuddlement.
I want to take a pause right there, and acknowledge to be able to name that after all these years of having this inner experience; of this dark shroud, and never being able to get out, or get back to how they were before. To be able to name it is a huge step in healing trauma. To be able to name and acknowledge one’s experience, to acknowledge those worst moments that they suffered in isolated aloneness. Or alarmed aloneness. We are not meant to be alone in these ways.
As we were able to hold this, with gentleness and care, there was a new realization that came up; it was a stark disbelief, it was unthinkable that a child would experience that. All by themselves and hold it in and never name it. So, we sat with that too. Just to be with it, not to make it wrong, not to judge it, not to judge anyone, but to be with that experience that felt so enormous. It was enormous.
Then, checking in with the body and noticing what is happening. It’s so important to keep bringing our body into our conscious awareness. Noticing our sensations, noticing any impulses for movement, and then time traveling to this younger part. First getting consent, “Is it okay if we time-travel to you?” Once we receive consent to go there and sit beside her in this experience, until there is a deepening of the breath, a shifting of the energy and felt sense of self.
We then ask, would they like to time-travel home? What would that look like and where would they be? This one had a memory of getting to float in beautiful blue tropical water. It was so gorgeous and so heavenly and so light. They wanted to float and be able to be wherever they desired. What a beautiful way to invite this part into a sense of warmth into a container of safety and beauty with accompaniment.
These tender parts need exquisite gentleness with their accompaniment. No pressure. Just to be where they are is enough.