What Keeps You Small?

Today I’ve been wondering, what light were you born to shine in our world? More importantly, what is keep you small? 

Recently I had the experience of getting to spend time with a very powerful person. Powerful in the sense that their light is just so evident to me. Destined to be an astonishing leader in our world. Someone that has grace, potential, humility and wisdom, all rolled up in one. Do you know what I’ve noticed? We all have that potential, in our own way.

Unfortunately, for some of us, we experienced that we are too harsh, or too much, when we are open in our expression. It may be that because we have expressed, the way we perceive other’s reactions to us, creates anxiety inside of us. It’s scary. 

We get worried that maybe we are seen as too bossy, or we are too arrogant, we are just a ‘big know it all’, we have a really big head. Who do we think we are anyway! Maybe we are too focused on the information on the information we are sharing, we are worried that other people will believe this about us. Maybe we are worried that we are very unappealing. No one likes us, nobody wants to be around us. The worst-case scenario could be, if people really knew who we are, they would loath us. That is like an abomination, you’d just be ostracized, cut-off, completely and utterly alone in the world. 

When I touch into that, some of those stories the default mode network (DMN) that inner chatter that we can have can become vicious. It’s trying to protect us. It’s our own mechanism within to help us survive something that was unsurvivable. 

Maybe your childhood was really scary and difficult. Maybe you needed to make sure that you weren’t heard or seen. You had to be quiet as a little mouse in a corner, not to be detected. It was terrifying. So, you didn’t dare to be seen, let alone heard or felt by another human. That’s just unthinkable. 

Maybe then the storyboard inside when you were little was something like, “maybe something’s wrong with me. Am I a bad person? Nobody likes me, why doesn’t anyone like me? What is wrong with me? I must stay small; I must stay small in order to survive.” 

I’m imagining what we did unconsciously, is we wrote an unconscious contract to our essential self. I’ll use myself as an example; 

I, Gloria Craig, (using my maiden name) solemnly swear to my essential self that I will stay very small, I will be invisible, in order to not attract any attention from others. In order to survive and exist in this life, no matter the cost to myself or those I love. 

Wow. For me that feels really true. That’s a little bit of a surprise. Because, you know, in my own way, I am a leader in my world, and I have taken a lot of time to be with my inner children. With my heart and my felt sense of who I have been born to be in this world. I’m discovering there are different layers and different flavors of our life experience that really needs to be caught, with gentleness and self-compassion. 

So, no wonder you shut down, you shut yourself down because it was a necessity. It’s all that your little one could even come up with to protect you. I want to honor that. At the same time, I want to slow down and come into my heart space and allow my essential self, my spirit, to shine with gentleness and warm loving attention. 

So, I shift my body and I check in with my essential self; Essential Self of Gloria, did you hear that contract that little Gloria made to you? 

Yes, I heard that, and no, it’s not life serving. I want to extend to this little part of myself, “Little Gloria, I release you from this contract, and I revoke this vow. I give you my blessing instead. I give you my blessing to shine, as brightly as you do. I bless you with the capacity to resource yourself from Spirit. To have the capacity through relationships with Life, to calm and soothe your nervous system, so you can be who you were created to be. For there to be compassionate understanding and discernment, in expression with others, as well as in receiving the expression of others.” I feel a wave of warmth come over me and what a nice little surprise for me today! 

Coming back to this experience that many of us have had in our lives. It’s really possible to be welcomed in relationships with others. It feels very different from that fear of maybe something is wrong with me and I’m going to be ostracized. I’m either too much, or I’m not enough. The difference to be welcomed as you are, not just welcomed but celebrated because of how you express in the world. There is nobody else like you! What a gift you are. People are actually interested in what you have to say and love how you say it. They are attracted to you. They are attracted to your authenticity and your transparency. Because you dare to be who you really are. You don’t have to put on a mask, you don’t have to be someone who you are not. You dare to be who you truly are in this world. 

It’s amazing to allow your inner light to shine brightly, or to be a soft glow when that is you discern is needed in the moment. You can celebrate with others and be grateful for the gifts that have been bestowed upon you. Because, you have come here to share them freely. To extend grace and empowerment in our world. 

How is this possible? How can we get from that place where we are believing we are either too much or too little? Well, I want to invite you to practice noticing where in your body to you feel relaxed? That’s a big first step. When are you relaxed? 

It could be when you are out in nature. It could be when you are out walking or hiking. Maybe riding a bike. What is it you enjoyed, slow down to remember, when you were a child what did you love to do when you could have a moment all to yourself? That can be a key to restoring and reclaiming who you really are. Through that pathway, following that golden strand of your heart, you can begin to build a firm foundation of trust from the inside out. 

When we are seeking trust, it is truly within ourselves that we need to build that. Self-trust. It’s also true that we need others in our life to reflect that back to us so we can actually get to experience who we truly are. Reclaim the leader you were born to be, because you are a bright light in our world. And, you matter.