You’re Not My Mom! You’re a Hologram!

How do you stay present in the face of perceiving an unexpected attack? What happens in your body as you take in the heightened expression of your child or loved one? As children move through adolescence, it can feel emotionally rocky, not only for the child, it can feel rocky for the parents. We can find ourselves reacting when we’ve promised ourselves we will stay present. Today let me share an experience I had with my youngest son, Rylan.

I remember feeling momentarily stunned as I heard him cry out, “You’re not my mom, you’re a hologram!” His eyes were wide, and the corners of his lips were turned downward. 

I automatically slowed down my inner experience and took a deep breath in through my nostrils. I noticed my stomach was tight and my breathing was shallow. As I monitored my inner world, I further noticed my back was rigid, and the whole of my experience felt surreal, as if I was looking out of my eyes from a great distance.  

When we check within the body to notice the layers of perception, it activates the mind-sight circuits of the brain. Letting the internal sensations of the experience fill the awareness, it enables one to direct the energy and information flowing through the nervous system with the focus of attention. Where attention goes, neural firing in the brain occurs, and neural connections are strengthened. 

This attentional focusing, with mindful awareness, enables our brains to literally grow more integrative fibers, which in turn, empowers our ability to regulate emotions, attention, the thought field, and the capacity to pause with reflection rather than reaction. 

When I dropped into my own inner experience, I noticed that my ‘apparently normal personality’ had stepped forward, to protect and support my implicit memories of fear from overwhelming me completely. Rather than reacting from that disconnected self, I mindfully connected to Source Energy and felt an infusion of trust, faith, and companionship, where my Essential Self offered a welcoming and safe refuge. 

Here, in this inner sanctuary, it was possible for me to own my own perceptions, and remain in congruence with my own values, regardless of what others might say or do. I was empowered to experience an “inner-parts dialogue”. 

I remember hearing my inner voice say, “He’s just getting so big! His voice booms in my ears, the words come so fast, and I have to hide!”   

“Hmm,” my Essential Self murmured, “Just needing a little acknowledgment what it’s like to experience this energy, and needing to differentiate it within your body? Do you like it when there is a little more warmth and softness, for there to be space to integrate what happens in the now?  Do you need to know and trust that you really do exist, and your experience matters in the world? Especially in relationship with the one who is your son?”   

As I soaked up these guesses I felt a visceral shift as my body expanded, my breathing deepened, and I noticed a perceptual lightness in my forehead as my vision cleared and widened. Ah – presence!   

I turned and gazed upon my son, and intentionally sent him pure love and light energy, from my heart space to his heart space. I watched as his body shifted, and his eyes caught mine. They slowly changed from troubled and upset to quizzical, I remember he asked, “What are you doing?”  

I responded, “Sending you love energy.” And gave him a warm smile.  

An immediate shift of softness covered his body as he uncurled and voiced softly, “Aw… Mom.” A slow, warm smile softened the contours of his face, as it reached his eyes.   

As we learn to become more present in life, at any age, it helps us to become more resilient, the capacity to remain more flexible and strong in the face of stress. Presence creates the gifts of happiness and well-being in our lives.