I’d like to share a story with you about an adolescent and a horse. It was about seven years ago at my sons doctor appointment. 

“Do you work with the horses too?” the doctor asked.   

“I had my own horse once, when I was 10. I got up early to go out and ride him all by myself. I was so excited! But when I got to the pasture, he was down, and didn’t move. He was already gone. Lucky wasn’t very lucky.” Rylan solemnly replied.   

“That must have been very hard for you,” His doctor responded with care, “did you ever ride again?”   

“Oh yeah, I rode Saphira, but it wasn’t the same.”  

Hearing their conversation I felt stunned in the moment, and a tingling buzzed momentarily in my head. That was the first time I had heard of my son’s experience with his horse. He had never told me that he’d gone out earlier than I had, that fall...

How do you stay present in the face of perceiving an unexpected attack? What happens in your body as you take in the heightened expression of your child or loved one? As children move through adolescence, it can feel emotionally rocky, not only for the child, it can feel rocky for the parents. We can find ourselves reacting when we’ve promised ourselves we will stay present. Today let me share an experience I had with my youngest son, Rylan.

I remember feeling momentarily stunned as I heard him cry out, “You’re not my mom, you’re a hologram!” His eyes were wide, and the corners of his lips were turned downward. 

I automatically slowed down my inner experience and took a deep breath in through my nostrils. I noticed my stomach was tight and my breathing was shallow. As I monitored my inner world, I further noticed my back was rigid, and the whole of my experience felt surreal, as if I was looking out of my eyes from a great distance.  

...

I remember when I saw my 14 year-old son, curled up on his bed, holding his head and crying.

 “Just because I’m older and bigger doesn’t mean I can calm myself! Everyone expects too much from me! I can’t take the pressure – I need to you to be like you used to be!” 

I felt complete bewilderment as my heart broke open anew. As I reached out and held him in my arms, I rocked him gently to sooth and comfort him, I mentally scanned over the previous several weeks and attempted to pin-point when the fear reaction had begun to re-surface. He had been doing so well! He showed up with confidence at appointments, engaged in conversations, and had fun with learning – what could be driving this fear? Then I remembered his initial reaction upon being scheduled for the year-end testing had been one of startle and intense fear.  

“You are reading so fast I can’t keep up with you to mark your score!” the educational...