Do you have a close friend you enjoy spending time with? I remember when my close friend, Jenn, was planning to come visit us after we’d moved with her two boys, Mason, who was 8, and Isaac who was 6. I was so excited to connect with her in person and just to hang out together again.   

I also remembered some of Mason and Rylan's relational growing pains and a little anxiety crept into my awareness. My window of tolerance felt really stretched when I perceived disharmony between our sons. It found it painful and confusing how to stay self-connected when the unexpected happened, especially when I was looking forward to what I’d planned and it would get interrupted. 

I put a lot of thought into how I might engage with the boys differently if something unexpected happened. I recognized a post-hearsal opportunity for myself. A post-hearsal enables us to shape our experience of ourselves in the world by using conscious, reflective, autobiographical...

Do you ever feel afraid at night? I know I have, and as a child it was a variety of things at night that I was afraid of. It can be different for everyone.

I remember when Rylan told me about his fears in the night. He said, ”I just get so scared! If I wake up and you aren't there I think you are dead!"   

"I'm hearing just how scared you feel when you wake up and think I'm dead because you can't see me," I reflected, "you really like it when you know I'm okay and you aren't alone?" I guessed.   

"Yeah," Rylan's eyes widened as he continued, "but I get so scared my stomach hurts and it terrifies me! I want it to stop and I don't know what to do."   

"So you feel so scared your stomach hurts and it's terrifying? You really want it to stop; yet don't know what to do? I'm guessing you might like some support and new tools maybe?" I reflected with an empathy guess. 

Rylan nodded and leaned towards me slightly. Taking in his...

Does your family intentionally play together? How do you invite family members to join you? Is it possible to both remain engaged in play and be connected emotionally when others tip over into fear or rage? This is an area I looked for support to understand when my son was younger, especially in partnership with my spouse. 

When my husband, my son & I participate in a weekend play workshop in Portland, Oregon, Kri, the organizer of the workshop invited us to join in the Play After Play* experience. I was thrilled! 

At the Play after Play Theater, the husband-and-wife acting team, Marc Otto and Melanya Helene, performed a 20-minute show based on a folk tale, with just a few props and traditional songs. 

"The play will begin, and then the play will end," Melanya said. "That is the time for wild applause." 

Then came the "after" part of Play after Play: playtime. 

My family gathered with other families filled with anticipation around the tumbling mats where...

Fear and anger can be really powerful forces. When I’ve worked with people, and taken time to do my own inner work, a discovery that I’ve made is any time that I’ve had an anger reaction, when I can slow it down I unpack it, I discover there was a fear right underneath it that started the cascade of emotional reaction within me. Depending on what our life experience has been, that can look really different for all of us. 

I was working with someone the other day, and they noticed that this fear came up really quickly, and right on its heels there was an anger. Just a feisty anger and so much of it. Then, there would be a complete shut down right after that.  

As we took time with this, and went into the process of Healing You, there was an image that came up of a small child within that had a sense of heaviness and wanted to cry. There was no comfort, no soothing available. As we rode the wave of this energy there was a memory of big people and lots...