Do you feel suspicious when you receive kindness from others?

I've shared many times how, until even recently, my inner world was an unfriendly place. 

I would often go to a place of harsh, self-criticism, longing to get it "right" or be "enough". 

I've managed to shift my inner critical voice into one of warmth and safety over time, using resonant language, understanding how the nervous system works and rediscovering my joy. 

Many of us did not receive accurate reflections of our emotional experiences as little ones, and so did not receive the understanding that what was happening in us made sense.

It can be very difficult for humans to access self-esteem and self-compassion when what we are experiencing does not make sense to us. 

In fact, it is so distressing to be in this place of not making sense to ourselves that we can become cut off from accessing self-warmth and enter a place of intense self-dislike, even self-loathing. 

Other times, some of us...

Who are your voices? And what are they saying to you? We all have these internalized voices. Do you recognize what they represent to you in your life? Horses can support us to acknowledge what is in the moment.

One day as one of my clients stood with her back to the corral, her eyes were closed and her arms hung at her side, I guided her through a body-centered process; her horse stood at the gate, his mouth licked and chewed as she tapped into her body’s wisdom.  She first noticed fear in her belly, apprehension in her heart space, (her horse lifted a front foot and set it with a bang on the metal gate), she named fear in her belly once more, as tears sprang to her eyes and she crumpled forward, “I wasn’t going to cry, I never let anyone see my fear.” 

“You never let anyone see your fear… and you weren’t going to cry.” I paused a moment, “I’m guessing a little part of you might be needing acknowledgment what...

Math.    

I invite you to hear or read this word, "math." If you are willing, pause and observe what is happening in your body. Is there a sensation of opening and softening? Are you acknowledging how fun and easy it is to focus on math? Or does your body contract and withdraw? Does a frown of concern or worry move across your face? Do you need a little understanding about how little you want to interact with any math concepts? Would you rather anything else? Do you love choice, and freedom, and autonomy? 

As I say this, I noticed my own body (which had contracted and withdrawn into avoidance) loosened and relaxed as I named the sensations of my own inner experience. This observational practice, when mindfully experienced repeatedly, can take just a matter of moments. 

I remember when I attempted to help my son with his math, I automatically moved into the strategies I was taught as a youth. "I'll be right back!" I told him as I raced down the stairs to...

Have you taken in a blue sky with puffy white clouds on a warm summer’s day lately - or in the past?  Can you bring to your mind and body what that felt like to experience? As you remember can you slow down your inner experience to notice any sensations in your heart space, your face, your belly, or any images in your mind’s eye? I, personally, have found this can seem very stretching to pull off, especially in the face of stress or anxiety when I had been anticipating pleasure instead.   

Several years ago after spending the morning connecting and working with my horses, I was looking forward to going with my son to visit one of the local Horse Rescue centers together. As I went into the house, I heard my son express with intensity, “It hurts! It hurts! Get off of me!”  

I felt my belly clench and face tighten, as I quickly moved to his side to offer my support only to be met with, “Don’t touch me!” as he began...

You know, we all have an automatic voice in our head that tells us how we feel about ourselves. This part of us is known as our Default Mode Network, or DMN. It turns on and starts running anytime we relax and are not focused on doing something. When we are stressed, what it does is worry all the time, and can get on hyper-mode with its worrying. It can get super intrusive, and it gets harder, and harder, to enjoy our life.  

The problem is, when we are stressed, our Default Mode Network thinks that the problem is us. That’s when it’s like a hamster wheel that goes around, and around, and around, and it becomes very, very critical of ourselves. It watches everything we do and analyzes it to prove that we are the problem.  

Well, you know, even though our Default Mode Network is deeply shaped by our unconscious contracts that we hold deep within us, it is possible for our DMN to work really well for us. When it is working well, it very easily learns...