Why Can’t I Navigate This?

Oct 15, 2021

Have you ever had self judgements? I know I have, and I think that’s pretty common for a human being to have.

There was a person I was working with the other day who noticed a pattern that they struggled with. The pattern was being quiet when they were in relationship with somebody instead of speaking up when they had something they would like to say. Or, maybe they didn’t agree with a friend. 

What would happen inside of them is they would have a self judgement. Criticizing not just themselves but also the other person, but not speaking up when they were not in agreement. 

They developed a belief that they held a really bad energy inside of them. There was a hopelessness that this energy that would be so critical would run them, and they would feel helpless and hopeless and they’d say, “I can’t help it!”

A big ball of energy would come up as anger, criticism, and then there would come shame that they would heap upon their own head....

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It's The Final Straw!

May 14, 2021

Have you ever been really cranky? Maybe more than cranky. Maybe something happened and your day, or in relationship with others, and you flipped your lid and got really angry. I want to acknowledge right off the top that for me anger always represents that there are a whole lot of needs that are going unnoticed or unmet. Or both.  

I worked with a client the other day who was feeling really angry. Really cranky. The trigger was witnessing the inaction of others. They felt so angry about it, because what they saw as an inaction, the people in their life were being distracted by social media, by technology. They really like their computers or spending time with their friends which was triggering a lot of emotional dysregulation in their relationship with these people. What they noticed is that it was interrupting motivation, being empowered to be in full choice and experience shared reality. This trigger was really big for them.  

When I talk about a trigger, I’m...

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When We Are Worried We Don't Matter

Oct 16, 2020

Today I’ve been spending some time thinking about how some of us might have the experience of being worried whether or not we matter. Maybe we’ve been close to other people in our lives and they go away for a while and we lose that connection that we’ve grown to count on. Then, when they start to come back, there’s an irritation that comes up inside.

You just get angry; you’ve missed them really bad and now they are coming back and you are worried. You are worried that since they’ve been gone so long, they are going to be tired, or maybe their schedule will fill up and there won’t be enough time for you.

Even thinking there’s going to be time for others, but there won’t be time for me. Maybe it’s that you believe you don’t matter enough. If you could just matter enough, then there would be time for you. 

When this kind of a spiraling loop starts happening within us, that is unconscious, we can hear inner voices...

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Unpacking Anger and Sadness

Aug 07, 2020

This morning when I woke up, I was in a bit of a downward spiral that began last night. The last couple of months have been pretty full for me. I’ve been passionate about creating lots of online resources for free so that people have access to them. I’ve been collaborating with colleagues, reaching out to have partnership with others to provide services, and establishing myself on lots of different platforms and learning TONS. There have been a lot of new learning edges for me.

At the same time, I’m doing my best to maintain my own life’s rhythm. With myself, my husband, my children, grandchildren, my friends, my herd, it’s quite a full life!

Getting to the point where I launched my course it felt wonderful! As I pause and assess where I’m at and where I’m going, I began the process of mapping that out in order to communicate clearly, effectively, and honestly with others that I’m in relationship with. I want to have mutual...

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What Fuels Your Anger?

Apr 15, 2020

Today I’ve been reflecting on secure attachment. Some of you may be aware of that term and others may be wondering what I’m talking about. 

There are different types of attachment styles that we can develop as a human being in relationships with others. We can have secure attachment where we have had the experience, according to researcher Ed Tronick, a pioneer in the field of developmental psychology, who’s work shows that if we had attunement with our main caregiver at least 30% of the time, then we would develop secure attachment. 

I want to recognize how important it is that we experience what is known as attunement, and what that looks like. If we didn’t experience that in relationships with others then we could possibly develop what’s known as avoidant attachment, or ambivalent attachment, or some of us develop disorganized attachment. But for the purpose of this video, we will focus on secure attachment. Because regardless of what type...

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