What is at the root of ruptures in relationships? Is it possible to stay engaged? Have you ever experienced meeting another person and everything felt like it clicked? You finish each other's sentences and rift off the meaning underlying whatever concept you are exploring? Ahhh... the enjoyment of budding new relationships filled with infinite possibilities! It's likened to a "honeymoon" experience in relationships with powerful attractor fields at play.

What was it like when the "honeymoon" was over? When things didn't unfold as you had predicted or hoped for? When the first unexpected wrinkle in the smooth interactions was noticed - what was your felt experience in that moment? 

Perhaps your body paused in contraction, your brow furrowed, and you noticed you were unable to speak. Did you hold your breath?

Maybe your spine straightened, and you leaned forward aggressively, as a compulsion to take action was sparked within you "to communicate, take control, or set things...

I like to keep a gratitude journal, and the other day I was looking back over one of my very first journals that I started right after I first started learning nonviolent communication. I decided to share it with you today. It’s called reflecting on times that felt tough.

What I used to do was use what is called OFNR, observation, feeling, need and request. I did my best to reflect on each one of those steps. I really wanted to have more ease, peace and harmony, especially in relationship with my youngest son. I find it fascinating to go back and see where I was all those years ago. 

O - My observation was: I really wanted to go to church this morning with my family...I tried to help Rylan get ready for Sunday School and it went downhill fast. I get so tired of needing to wait. I'm confused how to help him move forward out of being stuck. He uses such a loud voice, calls names progressively more violent, then explodes. Out of frustration I mirror him which escalates the...

What kind of relationship do you currently have with your child? When you think about your relationship, what happens in your body? Do you experience an opening within or a sense of contraction?  

I remember when one of my daughters and I spent a whole day together caring for my three youngest grandchildren. We got to take them on an outing for one of their friend's birthday parties. During lunch the children asked me for more Cheetos. When I gave one to them, I noticed a furrow between my daughter's eyes as she watched me.   

My internal alarm system rang a muted danger signal, and I noticed my heart rate increased, my chests tightened, and tension began to form at the base of my neck. With intention, I slowed down my inner experience, welcomed the sensations. I breathed into them as I acknowledged to myself that when I am being watched closely I feel nervous, uncertain and worried - so very much wanting relaxation, to have fun, closeness and a shared joy,...