Do you feel suspicious when you receive kindness from others?

I've shared many times how, until even recently, my inner world was an unfriendly place. 

I would often go to a place of harsh, self-criticism, longing to get it "right" or be "enough". 

I've managed to shift my inner critical voice into one of warmth and safety over time, using resonant language, understanding how the nervous system works and rediscovering my joy. 

Many of us did not receive accurate reflections of our emotional experiences as little ones, and so did not receive the understanding that what was happening in us made sense.

It can be very difficult for humans to access self-esteem and self-compassion when what we are experiencing does not make sense to us. 

In fact, it is so distressing to be in this place of not making sense to ourselves that we can become cut off from accessing self-warmth and enter a place of intense self-dislike, even self-loathing. 

Other times, some of us...

I found my way to Nonviolent Communication and Interpersonal Neurobiology out of desperation to experience something different, and gratefully have received a TON of empathy support over the years. Being held in a container of warmth, understanding, and acceptance, has allowed the embedded patterns of my conditioning to unravel and new neural pathways of resilience to lie down in my nervous system. As I consistently received resonant empathy support, over time I developed my own resonating self-witness. 

This inner-witness is not simply a compassionate voice; it is a deeply responsive, warmly curious, and generous voice. These new pathways empower us to live into a new way of being in our relationships, with ourself, and with others. 

I remember receiving a correspondence from someone who began their communication acknowledging the value they experience for the gifts I bring into the world, and I noticed how my heart felt soft and open in response. The next sentence,...

I've been thinking about grace a lot lately. It really got my attention the other day when I was working hard outside with my husband, preparing a section of land to fence in as pasture for my horses. It was good, hard work, and I could see my dreams becoming reality before me. 

Dreaming out loud I told my husband, "So, I'm thinking we'll put the fence out this direction," motioning with my hands to show where the fencing would go across the field. 

He invited me to walk with him as he showed me how he envisioned it would all come together."The fence will come out this way and go around the raised beds..." As I followed and listened to him I began to feel bewildered. This was not how I had imagined it would be, or what I thought we had agreed on. I began to pepper him with questions, my cadence shortened, and I felt my throat tense up.  

Before my eyes I saw him shut down - and for the life of me I couldn't understand why! "Are you angry?" I asked him with...

Have you ever noticed something when you were all alone and it both shocked and horrified you? I have. Let me tell you a story…

"NO!!!" I felt a flash of heat as I screamed in silent horror. 

Rushing upstairs to look in the bathroom mirror my worst fear was realized. I saw the beginning of a stress sore on the corner of my mouth. Without conscious awareness my inner alarm triggered panic to flood throughout my nervous system. With ghastly images becoming more hideous by the second, I frantically searched through the cupboards, looking for my prescription to head off this atrocity.  

As the panic attack triggered an asthma attack, and my breathing became very shallow, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Wide frightened eyes, raised eye-brows, and frozen facial features. Slowing down, I held my own gaze, and watched as it slowly transformed into one of recognition and then the warmth of gentle kindness. 

Silently, I acknowledged what it was like to...

Sometimes I find myself falling back into really old patterns. Patterns that I thought I had let go and that I wasn’t ever going to use again. Sometimes what can happen, when I’ve noticed that I’m operating out of an old pattern, is I can just beat myself up with anger.  

It sounds something like, “Oh, you are so stupid! I can’t believe you are doing that again!” 

Then, inside I have this cringing with shame experience, “Oh my goodness, I can’t believe that! I’m so horrible.” 

And the, I can fall even lower in the spectrum of energies. Into self-loathing, “Eeew, yuck.” Some disgust can come up. 

Well, I’m really grateful that on my journey in this life, I’ve discovered that it’s possible to recognize these aspects of myself with compassion. In those moments I can acknowledge how it feels to be me. I can speak to myself, “Gloria, are you just feeling such...