Touched by the Horses Heart by Clare O'Sullivan
Apr 04, 2021
What path did a woman take (Gloria) that would lead to awakening the fire in her belly that said an emphatic yes to the arrival of these horses in her life, to trust the stirring voices and images in her essence, to work with them as a herd, to trust their powerful bodies and energies to be close to hers and to answer the hunger for peace in humans in partnership with them? I don’t know, but I am so grateful for all the ‘yeses’ that it took, and it inspires me to continue to listen to my own.
The gargantuan feat it must be to take care of them every day, create a loving home for them and to work respectfully with their magnificent spirits. To harvest their innate longing for harmony. Surely this offers healing into the ancestral line of abuse they have suffered through our species. Surely this is two species working together for the good of all life.
This morning, (the day after my session) I am tearful as I remember their beautiful soft eyes so close to...
What Drives Your Compulsions?
Mar 26, 2021
Do you ever get busy? Do you ever get so busy that you push on, even when you are exhausted and really tired? Maybe you want to be really organized and planning things out. Wanting to make sure you have a good diet, that you are exercising to be healthy, and you are taking note of the things that you want to do. As well as, the things you don’t want to do. So, you get really busy and there doesn’t seem to ever be enough time. Maybe you are afraid you are wasting time, because you value the time you have, so you do your best to get as much done as possible.
Then, there is a part of you that starts making “doing” wrong, because you also value being a very embodied presence, as “One” with the Universe. So, you start giving yourself a hard time and telling yourself that you are not doing things “good enough.” Or, giving yourself a bad time telling yourself that you don’t have enough willpower or strength. This can come...
Fear of Being Attacked and Made Wrong
Mar 19, 2021
Have you ever taken a fall, gotten hurt, and needed to ask for help? I had a fall, pretty recently, I was on a hike, slipped and fell on some branches and got a puncture wound on my shin. I was laid up for awhile because it was a severe injury and I’m grateful I had the support that I needed. To be able to rest and receive support from people as I needed it.
A client I work with took a tumble when they were riding their bike. Through that experience they felt vulnerable, their injuries got infected and they needed to ask for help. Yet they found they were stuck in a fear that they would be attacked and made wrong. They believed there wasn’t any guidance that they could receive. This felt incongruent to them, so they reached out to me for help.
This is a different kind of help; to unpack what was causing that stuckness inside from this injury that they had and this infection, to have such a strong visceral reaction. They had some shadow beliefs...
Resentment Is Ripe For Healing
Mar 12, 2021
Have you ever come home at the end of a long day, walk into your kitchen and see that it’s a mess? What’s that like for you?
I was working with a client the other day and this was an experience they had; walking into the kitchen and finding it a big mess. They experienced intense frustration and anger, their head felt like it was spinning and there was a clenching in their gut. The thoughts running through their mind were, “I just can’t believe that I have to do this again? Why do I have to be the one that always cleans everything up?” The outcome was a sense of resentment, a burning deep inside. They felt they had no support and were all alone.
Slowing it all down to uncover some of the shadow beliefs; “I am all alone. I can’t trust myself. Life is a struggle. I’m not important. I don’t matter.” They were feeling very powerless. Slowing down right there to receive some acknowledgment around what...
Do You Imply Wrongness or Shame & Blame Yourself or Others?
Mar 05, 2021
I was thinking about what was the lesson that life has taught me today. The lesson I’ve learned is the importance to have relationships that are built on solid, consistent, and clear communication. That is really important, because, ruptures are inevitable in all relationships.
I used to think a rupture was like the end of the world when I was young. And, it felt like the end of the world, because I would feel so sad to have this big rupture between me and this other person I cared about. What I’m so grateful to have learned is that when you build consistently clear communication in your relationships with others, then you can stay engaged in the conversation, especially when there are ruptures.
Just because there is a misunderstanding, or a different point of view, we don’t need to make one another wrong. And, we don’t need to make ourselves wrong either. When we can recognize that there is a difference between us, we can invite...
What Happens After Healing?
Feb 26, 2021
Have you ever wondered what happens after healing? I used to wonder that. When I felt really stuck in my life experiences, I read a lot of books. There are a lot of books out there about healing, about self-care and improvement. I have a lot of books on that subject. There are a lot of books around how to be a self-healer too, and how to heal your own trauma.
I’ve done a lot of soul searching and I’ve tried a lot of different programs; read lots of different books, listened to recordings, attended webinars and many of these things helped, but didn’t last in my life. There is always more healing to do. I became very attached to the illusion that if I could just dissolve the illusion, then I could heal. So, the problem was I felt like I was not fully healed, and I felt really stuck.
Part of the process of my own self-discovery was feeling rather alienated from others and alone in my experience. I would wonder, “Am I always going to be...
What Do You Say You Will Never Do Again?
Feb 19, 2021
Do you notice the patterns of your life? The patterns that drive your experiences. Your motivation, your inspiration. What do you do unconsciously? We all have different patterns that we have developed unconsciously. Those unconscious patterns are what drive our behavior. What’s really cool is when you’ve slowed down in your inner world, to notice what patterns you are having, to be curious about them and see whether they are serving your life or not. Unless we can notice the pattern; it will never change, instead, it will get more deeply embedded.
Some of us, when we were little, we experienced being shamed when we spoke up. Maybe by a teacher, a parent, or other kids. When that shame experience happened, it was so painful a part of us may have made an unconscious contract of, “I will never speak up again.” Then we may have the experience of having something we want to say but we automatically don’t speak up. It’s just what we do.
...
Conversations Around Racial Tension
Feb 12, 2021
I’m enjoying the sunshine coming out again in my neighborhood. I’m also enjoying having conversations with other people. Some of the people I’ve had conversations with have been really uncomfortable, and they’ve been uncomfortable because the conversations being had right now are about racism. What is racism, are you an anti-racist and what does that mean and what is held in it? This is something that hasn’t been looked at very closely in many conversations.
One of the things that I’m really passionate about is slowing down any conversation to get to the heart of it. To have compassionate understanding whether I agree with the other person or not. Or, whether they agree with me or not. To have a heart connection where there is an exploration and discovery experience collaboratively that is possible. Not everyone is comfortable having a conversation like that, however.
There are some people who are quite biased in their...
The Pain of Neglect
Feb 05, 2021
Today I spent some time with a person who has suffered incredible neglect throughout their entire life. They have been on a long journey of healing; reclaiming their sense of self. One of the things they shared is that is was like riding a jaggedy roller coaster. Have you ever ridden one of those? They can jar you to your bones. You can get off and never be the same again.
It’s been really confusing for this person to even know who they are or even where they are, or how they have gotten as far as they have in their life. So, just taking it slow, being very relational, taking time to be with whatever experience unfolds for them is really important. Acknowledging what it’s like when you’ve had so many years where you felt slammed, boxed up, or sometimes it feels like being in a vice grip it’s so intense. I’ve heard some say that it’s a mindless and terrible place to be of this yo-yoing; here I am and now here I’m gone.
Afraid of What Others Might Think
Jan 29, 2021
Recently I’ve been working with some people who have expressed that they have a real fear around what others might be thinking about them, or how they are perceived by others when in a group setting. It’s nerve wracking for them.
Some of them feel scared to speak up, and they do everything they can to sense what the other people might want them to say. Or, they try to figure out what they are supposed to say or how they are supposed to be. They are trying desperately to fit in, and it’s uncomfortable.
Some of them are afraid that they are going to get it wrong, or if they do say something it’s going to make everything worse. There is an inner bias that has a propensity toward negativity, without conscious awareness. A sense of lacking, or not mattering enough, of feeling unworthy.
Ultimately what can happen is they completely shut down. The experience blows their circuitry. They go blank inside, or they can stop feeling....