The Pain of Neglect
Feb 05, 2021
Today I spent some time with a person who has suffered incredible neglect throughout their entire life. They have been on a long journey of healing; reclaiming their sense of self. One of the things they shared is that is was like riding a jaggedy roller coaster. Have you ever ridden one of those? They can jar you to your bones. You can get off and never be the same again.
It’s been really confusing for this person to even know who they are or even where they are, or how they have gotten as far as they have in their life. So, just taking it slow, being very relational, taking time to be with whatever experience unfolds for them is really important. Acknowledging what it’s like when you’ve had so many years where you felt slammed, boxed up, or sometimes it feels like being in a vice grip it’s so intense. I’ve heard some say that it’s a mindless and terrible place to be of this yo-yoing; here I am and now here I’m gone.
Afraid of What Others Might Think
Jan 29, 2021
Recently I’ve been working with some people who have expressed that they have a real fear around what others might be thinking about them, or how they are perceived by others when in a group setting. It’s nerve wracking for them.
Some of them feel scared to speak up, and they do everything they can to sense what the other people might want them to say. Or, they try to figure out what they are supposed to say or how they are supposed to be. They are trying desperately to fit in, and it’s uncomfortable.
Some of them are afraid that they are going to get it wrong, or if they do say something it’s going to make everything worse. There is an inner bias that has a propensity toward negativity, without conscious awareness. A sense of lacking, or not mattering enough, of feeling unworthy.
Ultimately what can happen is they completely shut down. The experience blows their circuitry. They go blank inside, or they can stop feeling....
Do You Have A Map For Difficult Dialogues?
Jan 22, 2021
Have you ever experienced communication gaps with others you’ve reached out to? You reach out with warmth, curiosity, and interest, trusting you are going to be met right there in mutuality, yet, what you get back is rather shocking.
What you get back is a harsh tone of voice, judgments, being told what to do and how to be. I had this experience recently and took time to be with it because my reaction got my attention. I shut down inside. I was shocked. My eyes widened, my face got tight and warm, my stomach clenched, and I noticed my breathing was shallow, and nearly stopped.
I recognized I was feeling shame and running the messages that I was less than. I was beginning to doubt and question myself around things that I actually feel very strongly about. Which is about staying in relationship. What I want to recognize is, that in the moment, how important it is to slow down and self-connect.
So, let me tell you a story. One of the first...
Are You Picking Up On The Intensity Running Through The Collective?
Jan 15, 2021
I’m wondering if your body has been picking up on all the intensity that is running through our collective society now? That’s running through the collective culture of our world!
Does your system feel some exhaustion? Does it get tired? Maybe there’s irritation and frustration that comes up because what’s happening isn’t working for the human beings in our world.
Or maybe you get scared, really scared around the lack of compassion between human beings. People forgetting that we all belong to the same human race, and there is a lot of division that is being leveraged in our world right now.
What’s it like for you when you get really tired? Or you get frustrated? Or you get scared? What happens in your system? I want to acknowledge that for many of us, who have experienced trauma in our past, those intense energies can trigger a cascade of automatic reactions within us. These reactions are not intentional at all,...
Time With The Deepest Darkest Shadow
Jan 08, 2021
During this time in our world, there’s been a lot of opportunities to be in Solitude. Seeing it as being in solitude rather than in ‘lock-down’ – there’s a difference for me – even in the energetic quality of those words.
When I take time to be in solitude, I’m taking time to matter to myself, to be reflective of my life, and to be in choice in how I engage with myself, with others, and in our world. During this time, I’ve had opportunity to dig a little deeper into what makes me tick.
We can start to notice patterns of behavior, patterns of thought, and patterns of our knee-jerk reactions. So, I’ve had the opportunity to do quite a bit of that exploration, and for that I’m grateful. Because, as I continue this journey in life, I want to show up fully. I want to have the freedom to express who I am, regardless of the environment I find myself in.
So, I notice what quality was keeping me...
Getting Comfortable with Pregnant Pauses
Jan 01, 2021
Have you ever gotten annoyed, irritated, or even indignant, when you are having a conversation with someone and they interrupt you and start to question what you are saying? It feels like they are questioning your judgment, and that they are not trusting you.
Maybe you feel a little worried, and you notice a pattern that starts to run inside of you where you start to tell yourself, “I’ve done so much to prove my trust! They should know who I am and recognize my intention.” Yet, you feel defensive and inadequate at the same time. Maybe you tell yourself, “I’m just a disappointment.”
The thing is, when we get indignant and start to defend ourselves, we are using the fuel of anger in a way that is self-sabotaging. When we take the time to be in our experience, it’s possible to experience something different.
When somebody starts to question your judgment, it’s possible to respond with, “Wow, I feel...
What Feeds You?
Dec 25, 2020
Do you feel frustration and irritation with your work or your career? Does every new job that you’ve had tend to circle back around to the same place that you were just at in your career? Does it feel that you’ll never get any closer to living in the expression of what you really enjoy? Some type of work that would align with your values. Something that you’d really love, that you’ve been seeking, yet it feels just beyond your reach.
Maybe your experience is that you always get deferred, it doesn’t quite happen. A perpetual sense of lack or reaching yet just can’t quite grasp it. Almost there but not quite there. Maybe you start to feel a bit paralyzed, even helpless or hopeless that it’s going to even be possible to experience what you really want. What you would like, what you are able to do, maybe you are paralyzed in that it seems like the chance is there, and the opportunity is here, and you go to step up… and you...
Is Life Not Working For You?
Dec 18, 2020
Some of us have had the experience when life doesn’t feel like it’s working, we either explode or collapse. We can have emotional outbursts, they just happen, they erupt. We have this anger that needs to be felt and expressed. What happens after this explosion is this felt sense of a neediness. We need to feel close to the person again, and if that doesn’t happen the way we anticipate it, then we can collapse in a puddle of tears.
This can look different for each of us, we are unique beings. Yet, there is this cascade of emotions that are like a roller coaster that we can go on, when life just doesn’t seem to be working.
What can happen when we are sitting in that collapsed state can be, “Dang, I don’t even know who I am any more, especially in relationship with this other being. I thought we were in this together!” This might be some of the things we say to ourselves.
Don’t give up. You know, on...
Are You Supposed To Be Able To Do It All?
Dec 11, 2020
Have you ever had the thought that you are supposed to know how to be able to do it all? I know I have, and client I’ve worked with, they have too. One client recently came to me with the acknowledgment that at work they experienced so much pressure to do something, yet not being given the guidance or the instructions on how to go about the task. The pressure in that experience was building up inside that escalates into panic.
When we get activated like that it’s our sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight, can kick in and we can get more easily triggered when that happens. We can become more reactive; take things personally, project onto others that they are being passive aggressive or predatorily aggressive towards us.
We can feel emotionally fragile and not dare to show that, especially at work. What we do is to stuff it down and put on a mask, acting as if everything is okay. Then, when we get alone, we can either rage, or scream, or...
When Life Seems Impossible
Dec 04, 2020
Have you ever thought life seems impossible? Maybe you’ve been in a situation and you feel expected to conform to the world? To the pattern the world has laid out right in front of you. And, if just feels impossible. There are so many layers of impossibility that it staggers the mind.
When you slow down to be in your experience, does it feel like there is a watery abyss that is deep inside? I want to note that the element of water represents emotions. So, when things feel really impossible, it’s most likely, because we are not allowing ourselves to abide in whatever emotional flavor is happening for us in the moment.
When we can begin to slow down and notice our pattern; our thoughts that feel impossible. When we can be with that and feel what it’s like in our being; to be with that without judgement, but simply acknowledging what it feels like to be you. Right now. Breathe into that, breathe into your heart-space.
When we are empowered to do that it is possible...